


Stage Confidence

by Stariceling



Category: Dude That's My Ghost!
Genre: Acceptance, Anxiety Attacks, Backstory, Gen, Hinted Crush, Homophobic Language, Idol Worship, POV Minor Character, Personal Growth, Rise to Fame, Self Confidence Issues, Self Image, Self-Acceptance, Shyness, Song Lyrics Written For Fic, Transphobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-24
Updated: 2015-03-24
Packaged: 2018-03-18 17:22:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3577680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stariceling/pseuds/Stariceling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thanks to a meeting with his beloved idol, Jonah Tyler Taylor decides to embrace who he is and claims his own place on stage. But even as a star in his own right there are still times when he needs a little support.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> I have been agonizing over this for way too long. It has been sitting on my hard drive _mocking me_ for a year, and only now was I finally able to write a suitable conclusion. Please accept this accidental epic for JTT.

Jonah clutched his autograph pad to his chest, trying to keep his wildly pounding heart under control. Each step was smaller than the last, but he kept moving towards the huge knot of girls packed around the entrance to the backstage area. He just wanted the chance to see his number one idol, the great Billy Joe Cobra, up close. He could practically hear Billy’s last rock ballad of the night ringing in his ears, drowning out all doubts.

It felt like Billy was singing right to him, "You love me / I love me more." He was sharing his confidence, encouraging every step Jonah took, saying there was nothing wrong with liking what he liked.

“Look what joined that playboy’s groupies!” A voice behind him cut right through the music. Jonah made the mistake of turning his head to find one of the ushers pointing at him. He should have known they were pointing at him.

He tried to dart forward into the crowd of squealing fans, only to be elbowed back, left exposed outside of the group.

“Is that a boy or a girl?”

Jonah gave his head a tiny shake to make his bangs cover his eyes. If only that was enough to make him invisible. It certainly never worked at school. He’d had his features pointed out enough times to know exactly what they were seeing in him. Light brown hair that nearly brushed his too-narrow shoulders, weak arms, delicate wrists and hands, slender torso and hips, skinny legs and shaking knees. Apparently too petite and soft-featured to be accepted as a boy, even though he stared into the mirror and never saw himself as anything else.

Trying to concentrate on the music in his head wasn’t enough to drown out their voices. He could still hear them calling at him to turn around. They kept trading speculations back and forth, and he was sure their voices were unnaturally loud, making sure everyone would hear them.

One girl in a fitted Cobra Army shirt glanced back at him, her pointed, pretty face marred by a sour frown. For an instant Jonah started to panic, not knowing where to turn to escape, but instead of telling him to back off she elbowed the girl next to her.

They shifted apart, making enough room to let him into the crowd, and the second girl even beckoned him into the space with one hand. She was gorgeous, Jonah thought, short and chubby with wiry hair that twisted into tight curls and dimpled cheeks when she smiled. It was a little embarrassing to be asked to stand between two pretty girls, but it was much better than being left on his own.

Jonah squeezed into the offered space. Everyone was packed together in the attempt to be as close to the door as possible. He ended up pressed between the two girls, but at least he didn’t have to fight his way in. He couldn’t hear what the first girl was saying to him over the noise and the rushing in his head, but she was smiling. When she smiled her deep brown eyes lit up and her whole face became radiant. Jonah could feel his face going red and wanted to apologize for being so close even if it wasn’t on purpose.

And then a great many things happened all at once. Billy Joe Cobra appeared. The whole crowd screamed their delight with one voice (Jonah’s own voice still refused to come out audibly). At the same time a hand grabbed him by the back of the shirt and hauled him back.

His assailant groped his chest, knocking the autograph pad out of his hands.

“I told you. Five bucks.”

Jonah felt paralyzed. He thought Billy’s gaze swept over him, that his eyes met Billy’s for just an instant. It had to be a delusion, because that was the only thing that could be worse. Billy was like a rock god, with the half-dozen fans physically hanging on him failing to diminish his presence. Surely he didn’t need to look past his crowd of admirers.

The same girl who had welcomed him into the crowd was trying to defend him, her voice pitched high with anger, and Jonah wished she wouldn’t. It felt like his tormenter must be at least twice her size. He didn’t want her to get hurt.

When Billy moved it was all one seemingly boneless motion. He shed his jacket and fans somewhere in his slither through the crowd. Before Jonah could properly process that his idol was right there in front of him, close enough to touch, Billy had yanked him free of that unwanted grip.

His momentum made him crash right into a tall brunette behind Billy before he could stop. He could only stammer apologies after the fact. There was an unfamiliar feeling of hands open to catch him, of many people reaching out to steady him until he found his balance again.

The sound that hit Jonah’s ears over the confused babble of female voices was a reverberating ‘WONG’ of discord combined with an abrupt crack. It was almost the sound of a guitar being smashed on stage. Jonah looked back to see the man who had grabbed him knocked down flat, Billy standing over him with his broken guitar upraised in a pose like an avenging angel.

“No one messes with the Cobra Army, right?” Billy snapped his fingers. “Hey, we have some trash that needs taking out.” His pose shifted from angry avenger to languid victor as he threw a smirk back at his massed fans, inviting them to appreciate the swift delivery of justice. The action prompted screams of approval.

Jonah thought he squeaked. He hadn’t known BJC, infamous for not minding being manhandled by his fans, even _had_ a bodyguard. But a tall, broad-shouldered man who had been lurking by the stage was suddenly there to grab one of his harassers in each hand, casually hauling the one Billy had knocked down back to his feet.

“Hey, I didn’t even touch the little fag!” the other protested.

Jonah flinched. It must have been his imagination that Billy went still for a moment before turning away from his massed fans and back to the mess behind him. “Oh, Rocky,” he purred, “do you want this?” He offered what was left of his guitar.

‘Rocky’ actually rolled his eyes at Billy’s offer before bodily hauling both angry men out in spite of their struggling and swearing.

Billy turned back to the adulation of his fans. Jonah knew he needed to at least say ‘thank you.’ He was still shaking inside. His voice had deserted him. His chest was constricting too tightly to let him breathe. He couldn’t even let out a squeak when Billy stepped close to him.

“You okay, little cobrohead?”

A collective ‘aww,’ sighed out of the crowd of fans around him. Jonah ducked his head, trying to hide his burning blush at being the center of attention. He knew he needed to thank Billy, but he was still wishing to be invisible.

When he couldn’t answer, Billy went down on one knee in front of him. He brushed Jonah’s hair back from the left side of his face and tucked it behind his ear. Not that his hair had done much to shield him from Billy’s smile, all the force and charisma of it aimed right at him.

“There you are.”

“I. . .” Jonah thought he might burn up just from the force of that smile. In that moment Billy was the most amazing person in his world. “I want to be just like you!”

Billy laughed at him.

“Of course you can’t be me! There’s only one Billy Joe Cobra.” His grin was so bright it shone right through the tears welling up in Jonah’s eyes. “You’ll have to settle for being you.”

Jonah struggled to blink the tears away, and for the moment they stayed back. He could feel himself smiling at Billy even if he didn’t quite understand why. It might have just been Billy smiling at him, the sheer force of his personality sweeping the entire world along with him.

“But hey, that doesn’t mean you can’t have a little piece of the Cobra to take home!” Billy announced. He loosened his tie enough to pull it off over his head, then dropped it around Jonah’s neck.

“Thank-” Jonah finally managed to force out. He still wanted to thank Billy about a hundred times for everything.

But Billy was already stepping past him, giving his hair a familiar tousle on the way as he called to the rest of his waiting fans, “Okay, who wants the shirt?”

Jonah clutched the knot of Billy’s tie in both hands like an anchor, trying to remember how to breathe. Finally meeting Billy Joe Cobra was more than he’d ever dreamed, and he wasn’t sure if he would ever be able to calm his wildly pounding heart.


	2. Judgement

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I trimmed so much fat out of this chapter. Too many rambling ideas for me, but I think this keeps the most interesting and important bits.  
> Headcanon that Jonah was a super cute kid, though.

Jonah never did get an autograph from his idol. He couldn’t push through a crowd of sympathetic smiles to ask. He got home safely, heart still hammering, and hung the tie over his bedpost like a charm to keep him safe as he fell asleep.

At the time Jonah didn’t know that was the last live Billy Joe Cobra concert he would ever see. (It wasn’t Billy’s last concert. He still had another month left on tour before his traditional welcome home show in Beverly Heights. That was the show he would die mere hours before, the show that would be replaced by fans holding a vigil in memoriam.)

Jonah was still thinking about what Billy had said to him. If he was stuck being himself, if he couldn’t be the one other person he could imagine wanting to be, if he had permission from that person to just be who he was. . .

He got his hair cut to frame his face and left his bangs in a tapered fringe. He threw away the retainer meant to correct the gap in his teeth. He picked out clothes that felt comfortable on his body instead of pretending there was more to him hidden in baggy folds. It happened all in one desperate rush, and sometimes it was disorienting how much the person smiling in the mirror looked like him.

If there was one thing he wanted to do Jonah thought it would be to sing, to dance, to feel that sweeping rush that went through him every time he stepped out on stage.

When he was still young enough that ‘cute’ was an endearment his parents had tried to establish him as an actor. Jonah had never thought much about the idea of becoming a child star, but he had dutifully memorized lines and cues and he had learned he could perform confidently as long as he had the chance to rehearse.

Stage fright was nothing compared to the terror of speaking to another person one-on-one. The connection from stage to audience felt safer. He knew the rules and he knew how to play his role. It didn’t hurt that bright lights washed out the audiences’ faces until they could be anyone, everyone, and no one all at once.

Jonah dared to put himself on stage on his own terms. His first real audition was a cattle call for backup dancers. In his first part he focused more concentration on keeping in sync with the other dancers than keeping up with the simple steps. From that first decision to try doing what he enjoyed Jonah knew he was fine with staying in the background. He didn’t need the fame that waited at center stage. He would cede that spot to someone a little more like BJC. He was busy learning to be himself.

When he did a cover of one of Billy’s songs it was meant to be a tribute. It was the last thing he had heard the Cobra play live, the encore of the show where Billy saved him, and the song that played in his head when he needed someone on his side. That song meant so much to him that he wanted to put his heart into singing it himself.

He never realized his cover would mean something to so many other people. He never expected it to blow up the way it did, with a shockwave that threw him right to center stage. It only took the span of one music video for Jonah to realize he wasn’t in the background anymore.

Before his first interview Jonah wanted to curl up and disappear. He was still building himself up. What if the person he wanted to be broke apart and disappeared at the first question?

“I don’t want to see you sitting like that in the interview tomorrow.”

Jonah turned his face away in response. He had his legs tight together, toes digging into the floor, hunched over nearly flat and hugging his knees. He’d gotten this before from his dance group’s leader. ‘You talk like a sissy.’ ‘You walk like a girl.’ No matter how good his dancing was, offstage he was always open to attack. He’d had his own manager for less than twenty-four hours and it was going to start up again.

“You are a very good dancer, Jonah. I think you can figure out what your body language is saying.”

Jonah didn’t answer. He refused to help anyone pick holes in his self confidence.

“What I see is that you don’t want to be here. You are uncomfortable. You don’t want to talk to me. And while it is your choice not to talk to me, if you say those things in your interview, they are going to wonder why they invited you.” There was a pause, and Jonah didn’t know if he was being given a chance to argue or just expected to let it sink in. “So, what do you want your body language to say?”

Jonah lifted his head slightly to look at his manager. He wasn’t quite sure what to think of her yet. She was short, with her black hair pulled back in a tight bun. He could read her body language well enough, he thought. She had one hand braced impatiently on her wide hip, but her shoulders were relaxed. Her neutral expression seemed expectant, not angry as he had assumed. She had asked him to use her first name, Laurie, as if he was being considered an equal, but she also seemed bent on instructing him. He hadn’t decided if he minded being instructed or not.

Everyone else seemed to think there was enough to this sudden rush of fame that he would need her. His mother acted like it was inevitable, saying if only they had kept pushing him to do auditions this would have happened sooner. Jonah didn’t think he would have been ready for this one day sooner. He wasn’t sure he was ready for it _now_ , even with someone here to help.

Straightening his spine, Jonah sat up properly, hands braced on his knees. “Like this?”

“That’s better, but still too tense. I want you to mirror me.” Laurie flopped down in the seat across from him, and for a minute Jonah tensed up even further, but she didn’t expect him to just sprawl out. “Both feet flat on the floor,” she prompted, so Jonah finally put his heels down. “Shoulders flat against the chair, and open up your chest. Good. Rest your arm on the back of the chair. You can turn a little. Cross one leg over the other. Now, I want to you take a deep breath. Let it out slowly. Again. . .”

After a few breaths Jonah felt his body settle into the unfamiliar position. He bit his lip and swung his foot as he considered how it felt.

“Now you look comfortable being here. Your body language says you are ready for this.”

“It’s not comfortable.”

“Then what would make you more comfortable?”

Jonah didn’t think the question was serious at first, but she prompted him to adjust. He stretched his legs out and let them cross at the ankle, and leaned back in the chair with his shoulders still deliberately relaxed. He was free to put his hands on the armrests, as long as he didn’t brace them or clutch nervously at anything. It was much more comfortable to keep his head up and his shoulders back this way.

“What I want you to do,” Laurie instructed, “Is take the persona you have on stage and bring him to the interview. Treat this like a stage performance.”

“I’m not very good at improv.”

Laurie threw back her head and laughed. Jonah finally smiled too. He was still a little intimidated by the idea of having an manager at all, let alone a professional woman in a crisp navy dress suit and thick flats who looked like she should be running a whole agency, but her loud laugh was beautiful.

“Well, I brought some questions so you can rehearse.”

It wasn’t just a rehearsal, but a crash course in dealing with interview questions. How and when to deflect. You don’t have to tell me that. Here’s how to not tell me that so I won’t attack it. She walked him through the story of his one encounter with Billy until it came out in words he was comfortable with.

“Why did you choose ‘You Love Me; I Love Me More,’ instead of one of Billy Joe Cobra’s more famous songs?”

“It always inspired me more than any other song. I felt like he was telling me I had to love myself first.”

“What do you love most about yourself?”

“I just. . . um. . .” Jonah couldn’t think of any one thing he could put in words.

“We’ll come back to that one. Tell me again how you met Billy Joe Cobra,” she prompted, allowing him to rehearse it one more time.

She made him rehearse one of the original songs that had been hastily written to fill out his first single, and one he had written himself. That part was easy, and Jonah felt exhilarated when it made her smile. If only he could replace the whole interview with music and dance rather than having his strengths pushed to the very end. That was the part of himself Laurie wanted him to show at the interview, after all, the self that could smile with confidence.

When he thought of an interview like a stage performance he was able to survive it. He had learned the steps and the lyrics, and the camera had the same anonymity of a crowd. He didn’t even need to reach for Billy’s tie, tucked in his pocket as an emergency charm. He talked about the inspiration Billy gave him, about how happy he was to share his admiration for his idol with everyone. He talked about how much it had meant to him hearing Billy perform that song live.

There was a blinding-bright flash of teeth with the last question, “So what would you say you love most about yourself?”

“Right now I just love being myself and being able to express myself. I love who I am, and I hope everyone else can feel the same way.”

The person Jonah wanted to be, the identity he was building up for himself, did not crumble under that first touch of public scrutiny.


	3. Concert

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh hey it's canon!

Jonah still didn’t know how to deal with people trying to touch him when he wasn’t expecting it. He definitely didn’t know what to do when one of his fans jumped up on stage in the middle of the show, grabbed his hand, and started kissing it. The fact that the man in question was wearing underwear over his jeans only made the situation that much worse.

Before he could recover himself enough to do anything, a boy around his age jumped to his rescue with a heroic sliding tackle. Jonah knew his mouth was open in silent shock. He couldn’t help himself, staring as the boy whipped right past and crashed somewhere backstage.

The whole thing happened in only a matter of seconds. Jonah grabbed for the microphone with his newly-freed hand, using it as his anchor. As they said, ‘the show must go on.’ This show especially was too important to allow anything to stop it. Jonah was determined to adapt to technical glitches and endure overeager fans if that was what to took.

In perfect honesty he hoped that as long as the show did go on that would also discourage anyone else from jumping on stage. Throwing underwear was bad enough. Jonah knew if he let himself focus on things like that his concentration would break and he would start to panic. It was easier to just keep singing. As long as the show kept going he would know what to do.

The next song was a tribute to his idol, Billy Joe Cobra. Billy had been tackled, even dog piled, by fans while on stage and it had never stopped him. Jonah smiled to himself at the thought of Billy, then turned that smile outward to share with the audience. This song in particular had always made him feel better, with its combination of confidence and comfort. It reminded him that tonight the stage was his.

Even with how important this was, Jonah couldn’t resist glancing backstage out of the corner of his eye. The boy who had jumped to his rescue was standing just far enough behind one of the curtains to be out of the way.

He was dressed casually in jeans and a white and red shirt, definitely not one of the techs. He had disheveled brown hair with his bangs swept messily across his forehead and his ears stuck out slightly. He might have been a few inches shorter than Jonah, although it was difficult to tell when he was crouched to spring into action again.

Their eyes didn’t meet in the moment when Jonah snuck a glimpse of him, yet Jonah thought his face seemed familiar. He was busy scanning the auditorium from his vantage point. Was he expecting something else to happen? Would he jump out to defend Jonah a second time?

Jonah tried to silently will him to stay there until the end of the show. If he would just stay there long enough that Jonah could meet him and thank him in person, that was all Jonah wanted.

When the time finally came to exit stage right, his rescuer was gone and no one knew where. The flyman had kept an eye on him, and had seen him run off after the same overzealous fan again. She had been understandably territorial about a random fan getting anywhere near her rigging, but once he was no longer backstage she stopped keeping track of him, and it seemed so had everyone else.

Jonah hoped if she had recognized the boy she would tell him. She wasn’t part of his tour entourage, but had set up shows in their venue before. He had gotten off on the wrong foot with her thanks to too much flattery. He liked her wide forehead, her wide cheeks, her wide lips, and he loved her satisfied smile at a job well done. That had tipped him off that it was her work she would want praised, but the realization had come a little late.

Disappointment pulled tight in his chest until breathing started to hurt. Jonah didn’t know what he could have possibly done to be defended like that, and now he felt he had ruined his chances of even meeting his rescuer. He hadn’t been prepared for any of what happened and he still didn’t know how he should have responded and he couldn’t stop wheeling through the scene in his head. He only wanted the chance to say ‘thank you.’

Laurie was guiding him firmly out of the way. “Sit,” she instructed, then, “Water.”

Jonah realized his knees were shaking only the moment before they gave out and he landed in the chair. He must have been more tired than he thought from the performance and the full day before that, and the water was welcome after working under hot stage lights.

“Breathe, Sweetheart.”

It was funny how it wasn’t until she said that that it registered he was having a panic attack. Laurie only called him ‘sweetheart’ when something bad happened.

“Take a few minutes and we’ll decide if you’re going to do autographs.”

He wanted to do autographs. He loved seeing his fans, loved seeing them smile and doing something to make them happy. If he went out he might see that boy again. No one had defended him that way since Billy Joe Cobra, shutting down a harasser so suddenly and completely he didn’t even see it coming.

The part of himself that understood he was having a panic attack seemed to be very far away from the part that couldn’t breathe. He thought if he could just bridge that gap he could keep from being pushed back behind that wall of panic and it wouldn’t be a ‘real’ attack. He would be okay.

He could hear Laurie breathing next to him, slow and deep and loud enough that he knew it was deliberate. He followed her back to the familiarity of backstage.

It took another minute before the tremors in his hand stopped and he was able to drink properly. At moments like this he wanted to be the kind of person this didn’t happen to. He wanted to be confident and in control of himself all the time, to not be uncomfortable if someone went too far. Why couldn’t he be someone who wouldn’t be shaken even when his stage was invaded?

“Let’s get your stage makeup off. Do you need to go back to the trailer?”

Jonah managed to stand. Washing off the makeup that kept him looking like himself under stage lights, and going back to looking like himself at close range, might be enough of a ritual to ground him. A sudden thought shoved its way in, urgent enough to override the necessity of cleaning off the layer of tough foundation, that he needed to wash his hands.

The skin at the back of his right hand and wrist felt tight and uncomfortable, a little like he had let mud dry on it. He didn’t like the feeling of being kissed, and that had been without warning, without permission, and by a stranger, three things that itched at his skin like poison ivy. Jonah couldn’t help feeling angry with himself that he couldn’t just shake it off. He was supposed to be enjoying any kind of recognition. Billy probably would have thrived on the attention.

He would never be Billy Joe Cobra, but maybe he could emulate his idol’s confidence for now. At the very least, Billy would never have let down the fans who came out to see him.

“I want to do autographs. Actually, I think it will make me feel better.” If he hadn’t let himself get distracted maybe he could have stayed in stage mode for another hour and he wouldn’t be having this problem. Or at least he could avoid having it in public. He didn’t want to think about how many people had already noticed him having a breakdown in the corner.

Laurie understood, and he was grateful for that. He was able to clean up and get himself ready and make his way to the exit where his fans would be waiting.

Even knowing he couldn’t afford to dwell on it, Jonah couldn’t get that brief interruption on stage out of his head. He paused at the door.

“Did you recognize him? The guy who jumped on stage.”

“He’ll have been thrown out,” Laurie assured him.

“No, I mean the one who,” Jonah gestured to indicate the sliding tackle. “I’m sure I’ve seen him somewhere before.”

“I didn’t recognize him. Do you want security?”

“No, I want to thank him.”

Jonah had a feeling he was going to have security around the edges of the crowd anyway. He could only hope they wouldn’t be keeping anyone out.

He found his stage confidence again. There were autographs and pictures and smiles to be passed out. There were squeals and questions and eager hands to be accepted. Jonah kept looking up through the whole thing, scanning the crowd, but the face he was looking for wasn’t there.


	4. Join Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now the part we've been waiting for. Beyond the backstory! Beyond the canon!

To tell the truth Jonah had jumped at the first offer he got to perform in Beverly Heights. He had been looking for the chance to play his hero’s home town. Now that he was here, he was determined to take a short vacation. At the very least he wanted to visit the Billy Joe Cobra mansion. It wasn’t a one of the days when crowds of fans could be expected to gather there to celebrate and remember the star, and he hoped that meant it would be a quiet day.

He could hope for a little quiet, but there wasn’t much chance of that if he was going to get caught by paparazzi before he had gone two blocks. Jonah tried to pull the brim of his hat down to hide his face, but once he was spotted it was too late. He couldn’t even try to duck into a shop before he found himself backed up against a tall fence closing off a lot between two storefronts.

“Jonah Tyler Taylor! Could we have a few questions?”

Jonah bit his lip, feeling completely cornered. ‘No,’ would probably still get him followed and peppered with questions and he wouldn’t be able to have the meditative afternoon he had planned anyway. He looked up at the woman holding her microphone in his face. She had a sort of stiff professionalism from the shoulder pads in her dress jacket to the way her hair curled under her chin. From this close he could see faint laughter lines around her eyes. It was still hard for him to say no to a pretty face.

Leaning his shoulders back against the fence to ground himself, Jonah smiled and focused on just her, tuning out the cameras and the others waiting. “For you? I can answer a few.”

He expected a little fluff, ‘How are you enjoying Beverly Heights?’ or something like that. Instead she jumped right to, “We know some hooligans jumped on stage and disrupted your show last night. Tell us, how do you feel about the youth of Beverly Heights after that incident?”

That seemed more than a little too harsh. Jonah could only try to smile it off. He was grateful he’d had the chance to practice his answer to this question this morning. “They were some fans who got a little too excited, that’s all. I’m just glad nobody was hurt.”

The minute he said that the whole fence creaked and shook behind him, throwing him out of his casual pose. Jonah had just enough time to look up at the fence falling on him, scream, and wish that his body would actually move.

He felt someone throw an arm around his middle and haul him to one side so fast he practically flew. He closed his eyes for just a second at the crash of the fence coming down and almost as quickly the arm around him was gone.

With his body already moving, Jonah’s instincts kicked in. He braced his back foot and threw his weight forward to check his momentum, until he came to rest in a half-kneeling pose with his fingertips braced on either side of his front foot. It was a pose he’d ended a lot of backup routines with, but not one he’d ever fallen into quite so dramatically.

The first thing Jonah did was squint through the clearing dust, wanting to be sure no one else had been caught under the falling fence. Then he looked back to see who had grabbed him out of danger.

“You okay?” It was the same boy from last night. Jonah wobbled, his poise evaporating. He had been afraid they would never meet again, but no, here he was to save Jonah from an even worse fate and holding out a hand to help him up.

Jonah took the offered hand. He started to at least say ‘thank you,’ but was immediately cut off by a furious voice from the mess on the other side of the ruined fence.

“Mis _ter Wright!_ ”

The boy’s hand tightened on his, and the next thing Jonah knew he was being pulled hard enough to break into a run.

Jonah was fairly sure the street would have been a blur even if he knew the landmarks. He was pulled on a winding route, around corners and down an alley and across one street when the light hadn’t quite changed yet. He could only hang on and run. They didn’t slow down until they reached a public park, and even then he was led a little ways inside, out of view from the street, before his rescuer finally let go of his hand and thumped down on the grass, breathing hard.

The run hadn’t been enough to leave Jonah needing a breather, but his heart was still pounding from his close call. He sat down next to the boy.

“Thank you for saving me back there.”

“That wasn’t, um. . . hey, as long as you’re okay.” He ran one hand through his hair and Jonah could only smile at the modesty.

“That’s the second time, after you jumped on stage to help me last night. I didn’t get a chance to thank you for that yet.”

“That? Oh, hey, that was definitely nothing! He had it coming.”

“But I really wanted to meet you after that,” Jonah tried to explain. He felt like he should be introducing himself. Was he supposed to? If someone had been at his show maybe it was insulting to introduce himself. He at least needed to ask, “What’s your name?”

“Spencer Wright.” He flashed a confident grin at Jonah, now completely recovered from their sprint. “And there’s posters of you all over town, ‘JTT.’” The air quotes around the nickname were audible.

Jonah tried to shrug off the teasing jab. “You can call me ‘Jonah.’” Honestly he thought he would prefer if Spencer called him by name.

“Sure.”

The silence pricked awkwardly at the back of Jonah’s neck. He had not rehearsed this conversation beyond the ‘thank you.’ What did you say when someone saved you from fans and fences? If Spencer had been acting like an excited fan himself that was one thing, but he was just so calm about the whole thing. It was nice but it was also unexpected and left Jonah a little lost.

“I want to do something to thank you, after you helped me out so much.” Maybe that was a dangerous thing to offer, but Jonah wasn’t sure what else to do.

“Don’t sweat it.” Spencer waved one hand over his shoulder in a vague gesture. Maybe he picked up on Jonah’s dismay because he let out a frustrated sigh and said, “Anyway, it was pretty cool of you to do that whole Billy Joe Cobra tribute.”

“Of course. He was my inspiration.” Jonah drew his knees up a little and leaned his arms on them. He was a little relieved to hear that from Spencer. There were some people who thought it was a bad fit, on both sides. Those that thought they wanted him without the BJC influence, and those that thought he wasn’t good enough for even a tribute. “I wonder what he would have thought if he could hear it.”

“He’d probably be pissed off that you changed his song so much.” Spencer made another swiping motion, as if waving something away from himself. “But if he got to see you perform, he’d definitely be a fan.”

Pain and joy collided somewhere inside Jonah’s chest at the assessment. Even if it was just a random fan theory it made him so happy. He had to take deep breaths, struggling not to blush bright red at the suggestion that _the_ Billy Joe Cobra might actually enjoy seeing him perform.

Spencer suddenly flailed and swatted at the empty air next to him as if trying to shove something away. “Cut that out,” he hissed.

“Are you okay?”

“There’s just this _bee_ that won’t stop buzzing around me.”

“Let’s move. If you swat at it you’re going to get stung.”

“Trust me, this particular bee is going to be a thorn in my side no matter what I- Ow!” Spencer jerked away from the bee (Jonah assumed) so he knocked right into Jonah’s shoulder, making him flinch back in response.

“Are you okay?” he repeated.

“Fine.” Spencer sighed and climbed to his feet. “Hey, can I ask for a favor? I’ve got a friend who’s been bugging me about you since that concert. Could you come over and meet him?”

The rule that you don’t go off alone with strangers, even if they are fans, was pretty solid in Jonah’s mind. Laurie would be livid to know he had even been asked. She had been pretty clear on a few points like that. ‘You are a minor. It is my job to look after you. No one is going to risk your safety, including you.’

“Or could I bring him around another time?”

Spencer was smiling at him hopefully, offering a hand to help him up. If he went with Spencer now they would have a few minutes to walk together before they met up with anyone else. Maybe he would be able to think of what he wanted to say in that time.

Jonah accepted his hand. “I have to check that I have time first.”

He called Laurie to check in more than anything. He had already set aside most of the afternoon, hoping to make the pilgrimage to the Cobra mansion in privacy. At least she understood when he explained about meeting the boy from last night and wanting to talk to him for a little while. She did put him through the whole, ‘Are you safe?’ ‘Who else is with you?’ ‘Are you somewhere public?’ ‘Where, exactly, are you?’ and made him promise to check in after an hour, but he was still pretty sure she understood. . .

Spencer waited until he hung up the phone to ask, “You don’t have to cancel anything, do you?”

“Oh. No, but my manager would get upset if I didn’t call, since I don’t usually go off on my own.” Jonah didn’t say, ‘She would probably call the police if I did.’ Laurie worried more than his own parents sometimes.

“Great! Then, if you’re free,” Spencer gave a little gesture for him to come along and started walking.

Jonah couldn’t help glancing over at him even as he matched Spencer’s pace. He halfway expected to be teased. He thought he was doing the right thing, but he had also hoped to make a good impression. “It’s okay if I have to check in later?”

“That’s pretty thoughtful, unlike some diva rock stars I could name.”

Spencer suddenly stumbled sideways, crashing into him again. He collected himself quickly, putting space between them again and rubbing his shoulder. “Sorry about that,” he laughed nervously.

Jonah mirrored Spencer, taking a step sideways and putting a hand on his shoulder where they had collided. ‘Clumsy’ hadn’t been part of his first impression. He didn’t think it was an excuse to push him around or anything. Spencer had been nice to him so far.

Spencer turned his face away and whispered, “I said: cut it out!” Jonah was pretty sure he wasn’t supposed to hear that. Maybe Spencer was as nervous as he was. Which he supposed should theoretically make him feel better but actually made him feel a little guilty and more than a little panicked because if he was tongue-tied and Spencer was fumbling then who was driving this conversation?

If he could remember where he had seen Spencer’s face before that would probably help. He should just ask. Any faux pas about not recognizing Spencer had already been committed.

“Hey, why did you change that BJC song so much when you covered it?”

This was an interview question. He had a script for this. “If I tried to copy it, that would just be a weak imitation of the original. If I wanted the cover to mean something I had to do something new. That’s why I did it in my own style. I think that was the only way I could do a real tribute.” Jonah smiled to himself. This was one of the easier questions, actually. Bringing up Billy was always easier than talking about himself. “There’s only one Billy Joe Cobra, after all.”

“Like when they did the reboot of Deadwalker Parasite Island and changed who the parasite queen was.”

“I guess.” That wasn’t a response Jonah had prepared for, and for a moment he mentally stumbled over it. How could he respond to that? “I still thought the original was scarier.”

The minute he said it he worried it was a bad time to give a personal opinion, but Spencer was grinning at him. “I know, right? Are you a horror fan?” he asked, suddenly excited.

Jonah mentally scrambled. The truth worked in times like this, right? He was pretty sure. “My manager loves horror movies, so we watch them together on tour.” That was probably the wrong way to say it. That made it sound like he didn’t actually like them. He did, but not to watch by himself!

“Your manager has good taste.”

Jonah felt his face suddenly go hot. It was only because he was already flustered. He knew what Spencer meant but somehow that managed to hit just the wrong spot in his brain and all of a sudden he was blushing so hard his ears were burning.

He needed to hang on to the subject at hand. If he concentrated on the embarrassment it would just spiral out of control. If he could just talk to Spencer about horror movies for a minute, but all he could think of was. . .

“Singing in the Grave!” Jonah blurted out, stopping short. That only made the embarrassment prick under his skin worse than ever, because now Spencer was staring at him. “I saw you at the Shortie awards.”

“You actually remember me?”

“That was my favorite short film.”

“Most people just remember Rajeev in that dress.”

“Your date?” There had been a commotion over that dress. Maybe that was why it took him so long to match Spencer to the young man he had seen accepting that award.

“No! Raj is my friend, and he was the star of the film. Way more important, right?”

Jonah nodded. Maybe some of the heat would leave his face now that he finally knew where he had seen Spencer before. “Is that who you want me to meet?”

“Actually, can it be a surprise? You’re gonna think I’m crazy if I tell you, but you’ll recognize him as soon as you see him.”

The secrecy made Jonah uneasy. Someone he would recognize, who didn’t want their identity revealed? He immediately jumped to the worst conclusion. “It’s not that man who jumped up on stage last night?” Spencer wouldn’t put him in that situation after rescuing him once already, would he? Not that he knew Spencer that well, but he didn’t want to believe it.

“Are you kidding? Definitely not! I mean, this is someone who’s actually kinda cool.”

This time he could swear it looked like Spencer was physically shoved towards him. He crashed into Jonah hard enough to knock him flat on the ground and landed on top of him.

Spencer pushed himself up while Jonah was still off-balance from the sudden impact. “Wait just a minute,” he said as he climbed to his feet. He marched a few steps away, and started arguing with thin air in that same undertone that he apparently thought Jonah couldn’t hear.

“What was that for, jerkwad? I’m trying to do you a favor and you’re just gonna freak him out!”

He wasn’t wrong about that. Jonah was already a little unnerved by the secrecy and Spencer’s sudden weird behavior was not helping. He slipped one hand into his pocket and touched Billy’s tie, his personal talisman. The thought of ‘what would Billy do?’ was his usual guiding compass. He was pretty sure Billy wouldn’t be freaked out here. Billy had more confidence. But then Billy could charm the details out of someone and find out what the heck was going on here.

Trying to get back to his feet, he unintentionally pulled the tie partway out of his pocket as he worried at the knot. It was still the same knot that had been there when it was around Billy’s neck on that fateful night. Without meaning to he let the open neck loop wrap around his wrist.

Suddenly Spencer wasn’t just shouting at thin air.

Jonah let out a startled yelp and fell back on his butt, dropping Billy’s tie. For a second he could have sworn he saw Billy himself, and then just as suddenly he was gone. Jonah stared at the spot where his idol had been.

Spencer turned to look at him, looked to the empty air where the impossible apparition had been, then looked back at him again.

“Do you see something?”

Jonah honestly didn’t know.

Luckily Spencer saved him from having to answer. “Hey, is that one of Billy Joe Cobra’s ties? Oh man, that makes things much easier. I was gonna find something of his for you to borrow.” Spencer squatted down beside him, grinning. “Put it on.”

At the moment Jonah was a little too frozen to be following directions, or running away screaming. Before he could do either the tie lifted up on its own and dropped around his neck.

Then he was seeing Billy Joe Cobra, glowing blue and slightly transparent but unmistakably his idol. If Spencer was hallucinating then now he was too. All he could think was that Billy was dead, he was gone, and now suddenly here was his ghost grinning at Jonah even though Jonah hadn’t really believed in ghosts until just this second.

“So here’s the friend I was talking about. JTT, meet BJC.”

Jonah opened his mouth, but the need to say something and the idea that he was probably supposed to scream in this situation collided in his throat so no sound came out at all.

Billy reached forward and tousled his hair. “You okay, little cobrohead?”

“Thank you,” Jonah finally managed to say. He found his voice for the words he’d wanted to say since the night of that concert. “Thank you! Thank you for saving me, for everything you said!”

“Oh hey, that’s just what I do,” Billy reassured him with a sort of glowing modesty. “Anything for a fan.”

Then Jonah made the most impulsive move of his life, and tackle-hugged the ghost of Billy Joe Cobra.


	5. Truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonding time with Spencer? Yeah that's a thing that's happening too.

It turned out that Spencer’s plan had been to take him back to the Cobra mansion and find something of Billy’s for him to borrow so he would be able to see the rock star’s ghost. Jonah didn’t have the heart to point out that Spencer could have just said he was Billy’s cousin (however many times removed) to start with and asked him to see the mansion, let alone that he had already been on his way to visit there himself.

Jonah barely realized that now he was the one talking excitedly to thin air. He suddenly had the chance to spill out everything, about how much Billy had inspired him, about wanting so desperately to do his song justice. Billy floated alongside him, practically lounging in the air and soaking up his admiration.

In the outpouring of joy he even started to explain again about the concert, about how thankful he was for Billy saving him there and encouraging him. He stumbled over his words suddenly realizing Spencer was right there on his other side, at least half listening.

Billy saved him once again with that easy grin. “Sure, I remember you. BJC never forgets a fan. At least, not the cute ones.”

Whether it was true or not, and it might not be since Spencer had made a noise that sounded like he was trying to hide a laugh under a cough, it warmed his heart. He wasn’t even embarrassed at his idol calling him ‘cute.’

Even more amazing was when Billy suggested he might be just a bit of a fan as well. He had Jonah’s album, and his merch, and actually gushed about his cover and his dance routine. Jonah felt lightheaded. Even if it felt more comfortable to weight the conversation the other way, to give more praise than he received, he held on to every word. Luckily Billy seemed comfortable with that arrangement as well.

Spencer put a hand on his arm and stop him just as they reached the house. He looked up and down the street, then pulled Jonah with him to dart across the street and through the front gate. He didn’t let go until they were on the other side, closing the gate behind them.

“Sorry. If Billy’s groupies saw you we’d probably have a riot out here.”

Jonah had never expected he would get this close to the house, let alone be ushered inside as a guest. Fans usually stopped at the front gate.

There was a huge portrait of Billy right in the front hall, a marble bust of him to one side, and as Jonah looked around he could see Billy Joe Cobra’s mark in everything from his grinning face to the instruments and platinum records lining the walls. He actually hadn’t been able to imagine it any other way. What had seemed childishly simplistic in his mind suddenly made perfect sense in reality.

“Is that-” There was a sudden gasp and Jonah turned to find a woman with bright red hair and even brighter eyes standing in a nearby doorway. “Jonah Tyler Taylor! I am your biggest fan!” There was a moment of that sort of rapturous I-can’t-believe-this-is-happening silence Jonah knew he had turned on Billy less than five minutes ago and then, “Sign my face!”

By now Jonah was actually used to this, enough to smile and keep his cool instead of stumbling backwards. Even if it was a new element to have Spencer at his side groaning, “Mom, don’t ask him that!”

Jonah had already pulled out a marker without thinking. It was kind of autopilot once someone had given him a request, and Spencer’s mom had already bounded forward and bent down so he could reach.

“I thought you were my biggest fan,” Billy protested. Jonah was surprised when Spencer’s mom didn’t respond. She didn’t even look up at Billy. Was she not wearing anything that would let her see him?

“She’s only saying that to be nice, and she doesn’t know you’re here too,” Spencer whispered.

Autographs should not be this awkward with how much practice he had. Jonah normally would have said he hated to sign on such a pretty face, which was true, but he was pretty sure Spencer would be even more annoyed by that. He compromised by signing her cheek, where it wouldn’t look too weird, and drawing a small heart around the stylized ‘JTT.’

“Spencer, why didn’t you tell me you knew JTT?”

“Well, you know how it is. . .” Spencer had been a little distracted trying to appease Billy, and the question seemed to catch him off guard.

“We met at the Shortie awards,” Jonah supplied. “I was really impressed with his work.”

Spencer’s mother pulled him into a one-armed hug, beaming with pride, “Well, that’s our Spencer.”

“And since he knew I’m a huge fan of Billy Joe Cobra. . .” Jonah had to smile, looking around at the amount of BJC memorabilia in the foyer alone. “I really hope you don’t mind Spencer inviting me over.”

“No, we’re glad he did! Of course we’re always glad to welcome one of Billy’s fans. You know, he’s my distant cousin,” she added with a warm touch of pride.

At least Billy looked mollified. Spencer took the opportunity to wiggle out from under his mom’s arm. “Anyway, Jonah wanted to see some more of my films. See you later!”

With that Spencer grabbed Jonah’s wrist and gave him a hard tug to get him moving. Jonah was following before he knew it.

“It was very nice to meet you!” He called back, a little grateful to have the excuse to run, but feeling even more rude because of that.

Spencer shoved him into an elevator and pulled the metal grid shut behind them.

“I can’t believe you did that.”

“Um. . .” Jonah realized he was still holding the autograph marker. He capped it and slipped it back in his pocket. “It’s non-toxic.” That was why he carried his own, after all. “That’s not the first time I’ve been asked to sign someone. It’s not weird,” he reassured Spencer.

“That’s right. A star has to look out for his fans,” Billy agreed. He actually held up a hand for Jonah to high-five him. He had definitely bounced back from his momentary offense.

“Are you two bonding over _signing my mom’s face?_ ”

Jonah couldn’t suppress the heat that started pricking at his cheeks again. Most of that conversation had been improv, trying to explain how he knew Spencer without bringing up anything that might get him in trouble for reckless behavior. He had thought he had done okay. Had he still screwed up?

The elevator shuddered to a stop at the top and Spencer pulled the metal grid back again. “Okay, this is my room. We can show you the rest of the house too. I just needed an excuse to get away from my mom.”

It was completely different from what Jonah had seen downstairs. There were still hints of Billy Joe Cobra, but for the most part it was a horror movie tribute. There were posters and figures along the walls, some he recognized and some he didn’t. Speakers and lighting equipment were shoved in one corner. There were a few assorted things that must have been props, like a green-tinged rubber arm laying on the desk.

“I wouldn’t mind seeing another one of your movies.”

“Really? Great!” Spencer lit up at the prospect, all annoyance suddenly gone. “I just finished editing my new film. You can see it before anyone else!” Spencer scooted him over to take a seat on the bed and turned the closest computer monitor to serve as their movie screen.

“Aw come on, Spence. We could be setting up karaoke right now. It’s a chance to get through my greatest hits with JTT! Are you really going to deny the world this match-up?”

“Oh, if you’re too scared to watch the movie you should have said so,” Spencer teased, taking a seat beside Jonah as the movie started to play.

“Scared? As if the Cobra could be scared by a little splatterfest!” Billy drew himself up proudly and then almost instantly dropped to hide behind Spencer with a shrill ‘eep!’ at the first creepy rustle of the monster slithering by on screen.

Jonah recognized Rajeev, the star actor from the other film he had seen, particularly by his blood-curdling scream. He suddenly really wanted something to hang on to. Normally he would have grabbed a pillow to hug, but this wasn’t his house and he didn’t have permission.

Billy had Spencer to cling to, peeking over his shoulder and whimpering periodically. He suddenly overrode Jonah’s problem of what to do with his shaking hands by making a huge loop with his arms to hug Jonah as well as Spencer, dragging the two of them together.

At least Spencer was laughing about it. “Dude, half of those special effects are you!”

Maybe half the special effects were Billy’s work, but that didn’t explain the blood and guts and since Jonah was stuck in this group hug _anyway_ he wrapped both arms around Spencer’s waist and held on, not tearing his eyes from the screen.

“You are both scaredy-cats,” Spencer laughed. At least he didn’t seem to mind, since he freed his arms to put one around each of them.

Jonah felt a little safer, though he still watched wide-eyed as the vicious little puffball of a monster went through the rest of the small cast. He knew he squeaked and squeezed Spencer a few times, but maybe it would go unnoticed since Billy yelped louder and squeezed them both harder at the scary parts.

By the time the short film was over Jonah felt that shaky high that came with fear. It was the safe, exhilarating fear of a movie that he enjoyed, not his real world anxieties.

As far as real world concerns, while the movie had been good he would really like to stop being smashed against Spencer now. Jonah let go of Spencer and tried to push himself back, but he couldn’t escape Billy’s grip.

Once again Spencer came to his rescue. He somehow unwound Billy’s noodle-like arm just enough for Jonah to back out of the hug. Then he let Billy’s arms synch tight around him again, while Billy hid his face and let out a long whine. Spencer gave him an affectionate noogie.

“Was it too scary for you?” He asked Jonah, while Billy was still recovering.

“No, I liked it.” A monster that looked like his mother’s Pomeranian on a bad fur day should not have been that scary, but Jonah’s heart was still pounding. He felt a little breathless. “I think I may be a fan already,” he confessed.

“Really?” Spencer’s face lit up at that small piece of praise, which made Jonah want to offer more. Billy’s head snapped up at the same time, his fear replaced by a pout.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. You can’t be Spencer’s fan. Not after he totally dissed your music.”

“Hey, that’s ancient history already!”

Billy stretched to avoid Spencer putting his hands over his mouth. “The words ‘wuss-core’ don’t get forgotten in a day, Broski.”

“I wouldn’t have said it to his face! I mean-” Spencer smacked one hand over his face, letting Billy escape. “That came out wrong. It’s just-”

“You didn’t even want to go to that concert,” Billy added. Spencer grabbed the corners of his mouth and pulled before his could say more.

“It’s okay if you don’t like it.” Jonah tried to focus on Laurie’s firm voice in his head. ‘You can’t worry about what any one person thinks of you.’ He had assumed. . . he had actually liked the thought of Spencer liking his music, but that wasn’t fair. He couldn’t demand attention from one person. “Everyone has different tastes.”

“Look, I don’t hate all of your music,” Spencer protested. “I mean, there’s that one song that’s on the radio all the time that’s like,” he hummed a few off key notes. Jonah felt better and worse all at once that Spencer was trying to reassure him.

“That could be any of them,” Billy argued, the words coming out distorted from his stretched mouth.

Spencer made a disgusted noise and then sang, “Let your face light up / Show me how you shine / I only wanna see you smile.” He found the tune easily. His pitch was a little low and the words tripped along a little faster than when Jonah sang it, but Jonah thought his voice was beautiful.

Billy stopped the impromptu solo by sticking his fingers in the corners of Spencer’s mouth and pulling to retaliate, though Spencer’s cheeks could never stretch the way Billy’s did.

“I wrote that one,” Jonah said in disbelief. If there was one song Spencer could have picked. . .

Spencer craned himself back from Billy to get his mouth free. “Well, yeah, didn’t you write all of them?”

“No, I only wrote two of the songs on my album.” Jonah felt the uncomfortable weight of emotion balling up inside his rib cage. “Because there was such a rush to get it out, that was all I could do. I’m still unsatisfied with that.”

That wasn’t part of the script. Those words were in the margins of the script in red ink. ‘Topic off limits.’ He wanted to panic. He wanted to scribble over the words and make them go away. His emotions coiled into something hard between his lungs so he wasn’t sure he would have room to draw breath. This was the wrong time to stop breathing.

“Oh no, you’re still a little baby pop star.” Billy took advantage of Spencer’s distraction to slither out of his hands and float in front of Jonah. He cupped Jonah’s face in his hands, squishing his cheeks and tilting his chin up. “Still getting pushed around by the industry. What you need is a mentor! And lucky for you, you’ve got the greatest rock star who ever lived right here to teach you how to get your way!”

Before Jonah could say anything about this proclamation Billy flipped over and dove right through the floor. He stared after, then looked to Spencer, feeling lost.

“Where did he go?”

“I don’t know. I’m pretty sure he just offered to teach you how to throw a diva tantrum, though.”

“I like my manager,” Jonah said, hesitantly. He was pretty sure he didn’t want to throw any kind of tantrum around her.

“Yeah, that doesn’t seem like. . .” Spencer trailed off, leaving Jonah looking to him, not sure where they stood with each other any more.

“If you didn’t want to go to the concert why did you go out of your way to help me?” No, that wasn’t the right thing to ask. He should be letting this go. For all he knew Spencer was just that kind of person.

“I wasn’t helping you, actually.” Spencer looked over at him, still faintly sheepish, and Jonah only felt worse for it. “Hoover, the guy who jumped on stage, is just this wanna-be ghostnapper. I was trying to save Billy.”

“Oh. That’s much more important,” Jonah agreed. How could he feel hurt when it was something like that? Now he just felt foolish.

“Anyway, you must get that kind of thing all the time, right?”

“Not on stage.” Jonah didn’t know how to explain. He didn’t even know why he wanted to explain. The stage was his safe space. Someone had broken into his safe space and Spencer had kicked them out again and maybe it would be better if he knew what that meant. “When I’m on stage everyone can judge me, but they can’t touch me. That’s why.”

That couldn’t be the right thing to say. He was completely off script now, not even clinging to the notes in the margins. Spencer was supposed to be the director here, he should be the one keeping Jonah on script. But he couldn’t expect that. They weren’t working together on this.

“You know most people can’t get past the whole ‘everyone can judge me,’ thing,” Spencer told him. “So maybe you can get a break on not wanting to get jumped.”

Was Spencer agreeing with the words he had dragged out on the spot? Was he actually sending them back with his seal of approval?

Jonah dug his toes into the floor and wrapped his hands around one bent knee. He took a few long, deep breaths to make sure his lungs would still expand properly. He should probably say ‘thank you’ for this too, but that might be getting excessive, and Spencer might misinterpret it. This was a raw, awkward place to leave a silence. He should move to something that wasn’t him. Anything. . .

“Besides, I don’t want to get kissed by a ghostnapper.” Or anyone he didn’t know, honestly, but that brought it back to Billy, let Billy be more important again. That was easier. It came more naturally.

Spencer laughed, which helped a lot. “I feel you. I would not wanna get kissed by him either.”

Jonah smiled to himself. The pressure and the little tremors of stress were fading now. Maybe it was okay now. He lifted his head to share the smile with Spencer too, wanting to project the feeling that everything was all right. Even if Spencer didn’t like him the smile felt warm and easy now.

He didn’t expect Spencer to suddenly be the one fidgeting and looking away. “Look, it was never about hating on your music.”

“You don’t have to-”

“I’m serious! I don’t have a strong opinion either way. But you’re apocalyptically popular right now, and you’ve got this image, like, ‘inoffensive pretty boy’ or something. And because I assumed it was fake I was really irritated, okay?” Spencer explained all in a rush.

The words ‘pretty boy’ hit somewhere deep in Jonah’s chest. He thought by now he should be used to the attitude that the feminine traits that made him comfortable in his own body also made him less of a boy. It was like there was a toll he was refusing to pay, ‘you must discard this many pieces of yourself to pass.’

Spencer didn’t seem to notice his disquiet. “But in real life you’re okay. You’re way more jumpy, but you’re actually pretty cool.” He paused and sat back with a sigh when Jonah couldn’t pick up a smile long enough to thank him. “You okay?”

“Thank you.” It honestly did mean a lot to have someone bluntly tell him they didn’t think he was fake. He didn’t get to hear that very often. “But still a ‘pretty boy’ in real life,” he added, shocking himself.

“Well, yeah.” Spencer laughed, then paused. “Wait, your look isn’t something your manager or whoever made you go with, is it?”

“This is how I want to look,” Jonah had to fight the urge to curl his shoulders. His only choice was to be himself. He didn’t need Spencer’s approval for that.

“Then it’s all good, right? That’s just you.”

He might say he didn’t need Spencer’s approval, but once he had it, it suddenly became very important.

There was a crash from somewhere below them, shaking him out of the unexpected happy moment.

Spencer jumped up and yelled, “Billy!” at the floor, but didn’t get a response. He sighed and shook off his annoyance. “He’s probably just breaking his own stuff anyway.”

“I’m a little worried to see what he comes up with now,” Jonah confessed.

Spencer shrugged, apparently too used to this sort of thing to care. “Hey, you said you only wrote two of your own songs. What was the other one?”

Jonah hesitated for a minute. Spencer probably wouldn’t know it from just the title. It wasn’t as popular. Part of him wanted to get up and do the whole routine because that was at least familiar, but Spencer was standing in front of him. In the end he braced his hands on the bed behind him and leaned back a little, letting his legs stretch out and crossing one ankle over the other casually. He let his eyes drift half closed, not looking up into Spencer’s face, and sang.

“There’s a thousand faces at your stage door / but you’re the only star I’m reaching for. . .”

It was still easier to sing than to speak. Being able to sing relaxed his chest in a way that even reaching an understanding with Spencer hadn’t been able to. He knew where to breathe, and he’d turned the lyrics over so many times they were polished smooth on his tongue. He thought, he hoped, he knew how to project his feelings towards his audience.

When he finally let go of the last note and looked up, Spencer had moved back a few steps and was leaning on his desk, opposite Jonah. He was grinning, and Jonah felt his heart suddenly start to pound again.

“You totally wrote that about Billy.”

“Is it that obvious?” Jonah bit his lip, more pleased than embarrassed when Spencer laughed.

“Oh yeah, mondo obvious. You gotta tell him.”

As if on cue Billy, surged up through the floor again, his arms full of clothes, a cardboard cutout of himself, a few random bits of china and breakable-looking knickknacks and Jonah wasn’t even sure what else. “Okay! I hope you are ready to be schooled in cool. Now the first step to being a super star is the Look.”

Jonah had tensed without meaning to. He really would have loved advice from his idol, but he wasn’t sure he wanted an attitude adjustment, and he definitely didn’t want a make over.

Spencer stepped in to save him once again, grabbing his arm in one hand and Billy’s in the other. “Forget about that. You’re gonna miss your chance at karaoke with JTT! I know there’s one song he’s been waiting to sing for you.”


	6. Tribute

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue time~

Since he had been allowed to skip the Billy Joe Cobra crash course in diva tantrums, Jonah decided it was up to him to find another way to perform his own songs.

Maybe he did throw a bit of a diva tantrum, performing an unplanned encore a capella when he was told to stick to the script. That wasn’t his script. He stuck to the words he wrote for himself.

Jonah dared to stand up and sing. He didn’t realize until he did that how many people would stand on his side. His fans stood up to cheer the songs he wrote. They seemed to know the lyrics were open love letters to every one of them. Laurie was his amplifier when he needed to be heard and his support on the days when he got back to his trailer with his knees shaking.

And no matter how far away they got from Beverly Heights, Jonah found one reliable source for the rush of horror-movie exhilaration that would wash some of the real world fears out of his system for a little while.

Spencer sent him emails, updates on the late, great, Billy Joe Cobra, but also on himself. Jonah was glad for the news, for the links to every new video, even for Spencer saying, ‘You know I get this huge jump in hits every time a certain pop star comments on one of my videos.’

‘Kidding. I’m glad you like them.’

Jonah thought he was lucky. The people who saved him, even if they hadn’t done it for his sake, had told him: ‘You’ll have to settle for being you.’ ‘That’s just you.’ In a world where the vague advice to ‘be yourself’ clashed up against the common knowledge that his self was unsatisfactory, he would hold on to the words from people who had looked right at him and decided who he chose to be was okay.

When he thought of those kinds of things, Jonah wanted to write a new song unlike the smooth love ballads that had helped make him so popular. He had a thousand images in his brain, but he still didn’t know how to assemble them into a song.

“Don’t chew your pen,” Laurie scolded him, breaking him out of his cycling thoughts.

Jonah hadn’t even noticed he was chewing it. He was busy staring at the paper, blank except for a few scribbled out false starts. It was easy to write for a crowd, for the audience of everyone-and-no-one. It was incredibly difficult to write for one person.

Laurie picked up one of the rejected drafts he had left crumpled on the table and smoothed it out.

“Sweetheart, are you writing a song for Halloween?”

Jonah looked up at that, not sure what about this situation had warranted a worried ‘sweetheart.’ He looked at Laurie, then out the window behind her, wondering vaguely when it had gotten light outside. That was probably the answer.

“I’m writing it for someone special.”

Laurie did not question whether lyrics about blood and zombies really belonged in a song for ‘someone special.’ She did, however, make him curl up under a blanket and attempt to snatch a few hours of sleep before their schedule started for the day.

A jumble of lyrics kept turning through Jonah’s head even after he lay down. He had to write the song before he could even start to rehearse. He had to find the words before he could write the song. ‘It makes my heart race / Each time I see your face. . . We could be safe here / Doubts washed away in fear. . . With every scene there’s more blood on your hands / I just keep watching, not knowing your plans. . . Tell me this nightmare is only a dream / Or cover my eyes and tell me to scream. . . Would you protect me. . . Could you accept me. . . Will you lead me home. . .’

Jonah squeezed the pillow to his face until he could barely breathe, like he was watching a horror movie so scary he needed something to hold on to. He hadn’t written a song for anyone since Billy Joe Cobra, and he had never believed that song would really be heard by his idol.

Well, he would make sure that this one would be heard. Jonah had confidence in himself.


End file.
